Pippin Gets A Car
by Merry-and-Pippin-kix-ASS
Summary: Just a little story on what would happen if Pippin got a car. Rated PG for language. NO SLASH! PLEASE REVIEW!!! FINISHED!
1. Complaints

Pippin Gets A Car  
  
Disclaimer: Me. Don't. Own. Lord. Of. The. Rings. K? Me don't own nuttin'.  
  
"Shit, Shit, Shit!" Pippin kept on saying as he looked for his bowl of mushrooms.  
  
"Shit, is right. I can't seem to find my bowl of apples." Merry said sounding depressed.  
  
"You think you got problems I can't find my bowl of mushrooms and besides you ate all your apples yesterday when we watched the Lord of the Rings. I think we did a great job in that movie. Don't you think?" Pippin asked, while still trying to find his mushrooms.  
  
"O yeah! I did eat all of my apples last night and you ate all your mushrooms last night too. Now I remember. I, too think we did a good job." Merry said intelligently.  
  
"Let's go to the market and buy some more mushrooms, apples and let's buy some ale too." Pippin said excitedly.  
  
"OKAY" Merry agreed.  
  
Off they went the two hobbits.  
  
"I'm bored. It takes so long to get to the market. I wish we didn't live so far away." Pippin sighed.  
  
"Yeah, me too." Merry agreed.  
  
Merry started talking about something, but Pippin wasn't listening. Something had caught his eye.  
  
"Pippin! What are you up to?" Merry asked.  
  
"Nothing" Pippin answered quickly, too quickly.  
  
What catches Pippin's eye. Is it mushroom's or is it a dealership? Please review. I'll try and up date it soon. 


	2. Merry and Pippin's Car

Disclaimer: Me still don't own nuttin'.  
  
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Pippin ran over to where the dealership was and saw the nicest car he had ever seen. Even though it was the only car he'd ever seen, besides in books. It was a Corvette. Pippin ran into the dealership shouting "I WANT IT! I WANT IT!"  
  
"You want what?" Merry asked in confusion.  
  
"I want that car!" Pippin said excitedly, while pointing at the Corvette.  
  
"O" Merry said enthusiastically.  
  
Just then a salesman came running out. "You want to buy this car?" The salesman said convincing.  
  
"Why, yes I do!" Pippin shrieked.  
  
"Excuse us." Merry said to the salesman.  
  
Merry and Pippin went over behind another car, which was a really shitty used car.  
  
"Pippin what are you doing? We can't afford that damn car." Merry asked like he was giving Pippin a lecture. "We can only afford a Porsche."  
  
"I know we can only afford a Porsche." Pippin sighed. "Hey! A Porsche is more expensive than a Corvette."  
  
"So, I want a Porsche" Merry shouted.  
  
"Well, I want a Corvette."  
  
Merry and Pippin began to argue.  
  
"Porsche"  
  
"Corvette"  
  
"Porsche"  
  
"Corvette"  
  
"Porsche"  
  
"Corvette"  
  
They argued for the next ten minutes until, the salesman couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"You guys relax. You want a Porsche and you want a Corvette. Right?" The salesman asked.  
  
"Yeah" Both of them said at the same time.  
  
"Well I can sell you a car that's like a Porsche and like Corvette in one." The salesman said smoothly.  
  
"How?" Both asked in confusion.  
  
"I can sell you a BMW." The salesman snickered as if he had already made the sale.  
  
"What's a BMW? It sounds like a type of sandwich." Pippin asked getting hungry by the conversation of food.  
  
"I'm hungry." Pippin whispered into Merry's ear.  
  
"Be quiet" Merry snapped.  
  
The salesman began to talk about the car and what kind of features it had. Pippin wasn't listening he had wondered off and found a candy machine.  
  
Pippin put a dollar in, but the damn machine wouldn't take his money. Pippin tried a few more times, but still it wouldn't take his money. Pippin began to shake the machine and pounding it and kicking it, but he still couldn't get his candy bar.  
  
Merry looked around to see if he could find Pippin. He noticed Pippin swearing at the candy machine. "DAMN YOU, SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT! WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU TAKE MY GOD DAMN CHANGE!" Pippin was yelling at the candy machine.  
  
"Pippin! What the hell are you doing?" Merry asked Pippin.  
  
"Nothing" Pippin answered.  
  
"So, is it a sale or is it not? The salesman asked.  
  
"O right. It's a Deal!" Merry yelled, just ignoring Pippin's hunger.  
  
The two hobbits jumped into the car Merry at the drivers' seat and Pippin upside down in the passengers seat.  
  
"Pippin! Sit up right." Merry snapped.  
  
Merry and Pippin drove down to the market, no problem at all.  
  
When they got their apples, mushrooms and their ale they went back home.  
  
When they got home Pippin said, "I'm going to go for a drive. K Merry? C Ya Later!"  
  
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Please review. Next chapter: See how Pippin drives and see if he'll go to jail or get a ticket or just have a good ride that nothing happens at all. 


	3. Pippin's Drive

Disclaimer: Me still own nuttin'. Well I own the car and I also own officer Jerry and Officer Jake. MWAHAHAHAHAHA. Mine! They're mine I tell you! They're mine!  
  
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Pippin jumped in the car and started up the engine. I wonder how Merry made back to the house if he can't see over the wheel, Pippin thought to himself. O, well if Merry can do it than so can I.  
  
Pippin backed up and hit the house. (Merry didn't hear because he was watching the football game on the Superstation and he had the surround sound on. Now where the hell did he get the home entertainment center? O well.) Pippin hadn't even left the driveway and he had already run into something. Pippin put it the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. Pippin wasn't watching where he was going and he almost ran into some other hobbits.  
  
"Sorry about that" Pippin called to them. "First time driving."  
  
Pippin started down the road. He heard honking, but he didn't know why there was that honking noises. The other few vehicles were honking at him. Pippin then realized that he was on the wrong side of the road. Pippin swarmed to the other side where he went into the ditch.  
  
"Oooh! That was close!" Pippin said as he went into the ditch. "Shit"  
  
Pippin reversed the car back onto the road. BANG! He ran into another vehicle.  
  
"Just my luck" Pippin sighed.  
  
He raced down the road trying to get away from the other vehicle, which he ran into. Next thing he knew the other car was gone and then there were sirens going off. Now he was being chased by a police officer.  
  
"Oh great! Now what?" Pippin said to himself.  
  
Pippin to pulled over. The police officer got out of his car and walked up to Pippin's BMW.  
  
"Nice car" Officer Jerry told him.  
  
"I know." Pippin answered.  
  
"May I see your license?" The officer asked him.  
  
"Yeah sure." Pippin told him while grabbing his license out of his pocket. (Now where the hell did he get a license?)  
  
"Okay, you can go"  
  
Pippin drove off. I think I'll go to Frodo's and show him my and Merry's car. Pippin went to Frodo's house. No problem at all except for hitting two hobbits, Gandalf, knocking two apple stands down, hitting a mushroom stand where all the mushrooms came into his car, running into four trees and not to mention instead of driving up the driveway at Frodo's house he drove right up the lawn and right into the house.  
  
"HI! FRODO!" Pippin said cheerfully and hopping out of the car and plopping into a chair and starts to eat mushrooms.  
  
"Hi Pippin!" Frodo said sounding terrified.  
  
"Why did you come here and why did run right through the house instead of using the driveway?" Frodo asked as he began to shout.  
  
"I don't know why I didn't use the driveway, but I came here to show you my and Merry's new car. SEEEE!" Pippin said proudly.  
  
"Well I better am going now." Pippin said jumping into the car and backing up.  
  
Frodo waved in amazement that Pippin wasn't dead yet or in jail.  
  
Pippin began to speed again, but this time instead of running into someone else's vehicle he ran into a police officer's car.  
  
"Uh O!" Pippin said to himself.  
  
The police officer got out of his vehicle and walked over to Pippin.  
  
"Okay pal, you're coming with me." Officer Jake said sternly.  
  
Pippin was handcuffed and was put into the back of the police car. He was carried off to jail. Pippin watched through the back window staring at the car and said, "Goodbye my precious."  
  
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Next chapter: What does Pippin do in jail and see if he gets out. Please review. 


	4. Pippin in Jail

Disclaimer: Me still own nuttin' except for the car, the officers and Big Guy. *Took friend's pretzels* Friend is Fool-of-a-Took. Go Pippin.  
  
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When they arrived at the police station Pippin tried to escape, but he tripped, they had cuffed his feet together. After they took the cuffs off his feet he tried to escape again, but this time two police officers were carrying him by his arms and he couldn't touch the ground.  
  
"Let me go! Let me go! I didn't do anything! If I did I promise I won't do it again!" Pippin was shouting. "Let me down! Let me down!"  
  
Pippin was put into cell #24. His cellmate (A/N Don't know what they're called) was Big Guy.  
  
"What the hell you in for?" Big Guy asked.  
  
"Nothing much, just for hittin' a couple of hobbits with my BMW, which I think is a type of sandwich, I have a cousin named Merry, I don't know what his real name is, nobody calls him by his real name, he's really cool, o and my other cousin Frodo destroyed the one ring, you know the one Sauron wanted, and Frodo's friend Sam, I think he's gay. O yeah, does yous like mushrooms? And Merry gives me razberries (A/N the kind on the tummy not the red things) o and Merry says I'm an idiot, he just says that because I am one, but he really does like me, o and he lives with me in a mushroom house, o and he has been calling me an idiot even more ever since he saw my mailbox,...." Pippin was saying to Big Guy really fast and kept on talking about his life for the next 2 hours.  
  
"Okay, you didn't need to tell me your whole damn life story." Big Guy said sarcastically.  
  
"Well I didn't, there's so much more to my life. You wanna hear it?" Pippin asked.  
  
"NO!" Big Guy screamed as if to ask him to stop.  
  
"How rude!" Pippin pouted and walked off into the corner.  
  
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Please review. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, with a mushroom on top. Next chapter: Will Pippin get out of jail? 


	5. Will Pippin Get Out

Disclaimer: Me. Still. Own. Nuttin'. So, don't worry about it.  
  
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As Pippin walked off to the corner, he tripped over his feet again.  
  
"Shit! That hurt." Pippin mumbled as he got back up on his feet.  
  
Pippin then noticed the bunk beds and raced over to them. He tried to get onto the top bunk he wasn't tall. He jumped and jumped and still couldn't.  
  
"UMM! Big Guy. Can you give me a boost?" Pippin asked, while giving a puppy dogface. "Please."  
  
"No" Big Guy answered.  
  
Pippin started to sing a song he made up which went to the tune of The Muffin Man:  
  
Do you know the mushroom man? The mushroom man? The mushroom man? Do you know the mushroom man that gave me mushrooms today!  
  
Big Guy began to get annoyed after Pippin had sung his song for a while.  
  
"Will you shut up!?" Big Guy asked, very annoyed.  
  
"Fine" Pippin said like a snob. "I only sang my song 57 times."  
  
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Pippin walked off to the corner, where he sat down. It was now about 11:00 pm and everybody was a sleep (even the guard was). Pippin was sitting in his corner mumbling something.  
  
"Can't sleep! Need Merry! Can't sleep! Need Merry! Can't Sleep! Need Mer. HEY WAIT A DAMN MINUTE I HAVEN'T GOT MY ONE GOD DAMN PHONE CALL YET! I WANT MY PHONE CALL!" Pippin was whispering and then began to yell.  
  
The guard woke up and let Pippin have his one phone call. Pippin called Merry.  
  
"Hello" Merry mumbled.  
  
"HIA! Merry!" Pippin said cheerfully. "Guess where I am.  
  
"Where?" Merry was still mumbling.  
  
"I'm in jail!" Pippin said proudly.  
  
"You're where? How'd you get there? Why are you there? Merry began to ask all of these questions.  
  
"I'll come and bail you out tomorrow. Okay?" Merry said, wide-awake now.  
  
"Okey dokey" Pippin replied.  
  
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I know it's a bit short, but I promise that the next chapter will be longer. Maybe. I don't know. Please review. Please! Pretty please with a mushroom on top. Next chapter: Pippin gets out! But how does he get out? 


	6. Pippin Gets Out Of Jail

Disclaimer: Me still own nuttin'.  
  
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The next morning, Pippin was a sleep against the wall in the corner. There was drool all over it too. Pippin was dreaming of cake, mushroom cake to be exact.  
  
Everybody was already up except for him. When he woke up he saw a stick underneath the beds. Pippin went over and picked up and banged it against the cell bars.  
  
"It makes music" Pippin exclaimed.  
  
Pippin found another stick and started to pretend to play the drums while he danced around. While he was dancing around he actually slipped through the bars and started banging the desk he picked up the keys, went back into his cell and shook the keys to make a jingling sound and banged the sticks around.  
  
It was like he made a band out of himself.  
  
Big Guy took the keys from Pippin. Pippin began to whine, which Big Guy didn't like so he gave them back.  
  
Pippin went over to the bars and went through again and sat in the chair at the desk. Pippin put up his feet on the desk and closed his eyes, but fell flat on his face as soon as he closed his eyes.  
  
"Ow"  
  
Just then he heard a familiar voice and song. It was Merry and he was singing a song that went like this:  
  
I like apples, I like ale, I like them why yes I do. I like mushrooms, I like swimming and most of all I like my Pippin.  
  
Pippin rushed into his cell.  
  
As Merry walked by his cell Pippin cried out, "Merry! What took you so long?"  
  
"Who cares let's just go home" Merry said.  
  
"In a minute I want to finish my song." Pippin said as he started to bang the sticks around and pulling the wires underneath the bed.  
  
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Please review. I hope you like the story. I know the formatting was a little bad at the beginning. Please review. 


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